Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
