Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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