Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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