I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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