haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
