I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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