I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
