Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
