you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
