She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
