the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!