The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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