Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
