I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
