her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
