i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
