I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
