If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
