i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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