I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
