I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize