You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
