oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
