nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You took a bar mat shot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
