hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
