HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All the doctor said was why
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
