This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
