I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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