There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
