Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
