Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
