Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize