It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize