Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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