trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
