y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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