sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
