I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
