I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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