You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize