I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
