I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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