ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
