3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
