why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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