Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
