Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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