I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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