do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
