i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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