Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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