What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
