One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
