he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
