I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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