At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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