Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
