I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
