Having a random hookup so left but love u
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
