How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
