hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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