He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
