I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
