You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
