dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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