youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
