I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
