Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
