dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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