I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
