Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
